Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
