This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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