watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
