..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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