he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
