So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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