True but thats because hes a fetus.
barbara walters just said penis...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
