Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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