they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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