I like my sex mixed with concussions.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
