omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
