Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
