I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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