Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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