I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
