Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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