seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Bring me that man meat
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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