he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
