So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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