Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
