dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
