I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
