he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
