um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
