I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
