Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
