ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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