I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
