You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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