Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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