Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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