Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
