There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
