I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
