Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
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I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
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she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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