I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
