he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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