Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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