she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
