I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
