I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
