I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
