roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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