And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
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Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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