Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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