I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
