apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
