and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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