How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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