How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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