You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
