Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
