How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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