Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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