life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
