If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
4 words: hood of his car
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
