I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
