I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
