i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
