we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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