3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
