were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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