I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
