it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Acid is not a monday night drug
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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