i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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