Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
