I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize