Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
