My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
