your thong is hanging out like whoa
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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