why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
