Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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