Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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