I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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